I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
two words: eviction party
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
