Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
