fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
