I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
