I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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