so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
