he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
