did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Randomize