When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize