Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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