How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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