How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
