I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
