ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
