So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
