its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
