The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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