If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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