You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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