why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
