I got chris browned last night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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