i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
