dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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