So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
