i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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