She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize