I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
