Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
