You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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