I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
