I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
