i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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