My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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