I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
