Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
