T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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