I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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