I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
