Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You ruined the universe
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
