you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
