How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
