i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
