he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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