theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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