so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
