this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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