i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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