Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
