There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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