Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
