believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
