I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
