That's intense
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
