Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
