if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
