I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
