true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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