It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are we still banned from the library?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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