i need an iv and a liver transplant
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
