Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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