I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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