U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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