Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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