Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
