I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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