THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I look better un-naked...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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