It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
