i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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