my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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