I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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