and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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