Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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