Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
