Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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