Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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