I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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