he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
